Knockin' tha Boots
by Maylin Sephiroth Priestess
Summary: Mr. Cloud Strife in drag. What a concept. ^_~


*Tifa's on the bartop, stripping to some music. A few men in there whoop and hollar, throwing gil*  
  
TIfa: Yeah! *laughs* You know you want me!! *shakes her butt some*  
  
*suddenly, Barret bursts in with a sour look on his face*  
  
Barret: Tifa! What the hell are you doing!!  
  
*the men at the bar flee the tavern while Tifa collects the money and hides behind the bar to dress*  
  
Tifa: I um... I was trying to get some money for Marlene's tuition. At least it's better than having you   
blow up Mako reactors!!  
  
Barret: *mutters something under his breath* Just where the hell is she?!  
  
Tifa: She's downstairs watching TV. Anyway, just what the hell were you doing?  
  
*Barret grunts and goes back outside. A few seconds later, the Avalanche crew enters, following by   
Cloud and an angry Barret. Jessie whispered something into Tifa's ear, which made Tifa angry*  
  
Tifa: You went to that Bumblebee joint without me again?! You know I love going there!!  
  
*Cloud cleared his throat nervously*  
  
Tifa: Oh, hi Cloud. *puts her hands on her hips* So did -you- have fun there without me, too?  
  
Cloud: Uh.... Ummm.... I forgot the question?  
  
Tifa: Arrrgg!! *storms out angrily*  
  
*Barret goes downstairs while the rest hang out at the bar*  
  
Biggs: Tifa's gotta cool her temper. She's worse than Barret, but then again, he doesn't go both ways like she does, if ya know what I mean."  
  
Cloud: Yeah... *wonders why he didn't know this before*  
  
Jessie: In my opinion, Tifa has way more fun than all of us put together. Hey, I should have done this before, but I totally forgot. Cloud, do you wanna go back to the Wall Market with me so I can get a dress?  
  
Cloud: Uh, sure?  
  
*they soon arrive at the dress shop. Jessie goes off on her own to browse through the selections and Cloud does the same*  
  
A voice behind Cloud: Is there anything you like? *an old man appears beside Cloud* I'm able to make alterations to suit your taste.  
  
Cloud: Er... It's not for me. It's for a friend.  
  
Old Man: *sarcastically* Sure it is. Well, if -your friend- likes anything, just let me know. *walks off*  
  
Cloud: (I really should get something..... A few of these dresses would actually look good on me....) *his thoughts were suddenly inturrupted by Jessie, who had draped a purple dress over her arm*  
  
Jessie: I'm ready to go. Shall we?  
  
*Cloud followed her outside, but he paused*  
  
Cloud: Hey, I'm gonna hang around here for a while. Can you walk back by yourself?  
  
Jessie: Well... I guess if you really wanna stay. *walks away*  
*after making sure she was out of sight, he goes back in the dress shop, where the old man was eagerly waiting*  
  
Old Man: Has -your friend- changed their mind?  
  
Cloud: *nods* Just don't tell anyone. I don't know what they would think.  
  
Old Man: *chuckles* It's quite all right. I get odd requests like this all the time. Let's get started!  
  
*for about an hour, the old man tailored the black dress that Cloud picked out. It was then time to see the final product. Cloud stepped out of the dressing room, wearing his hair up the matching shoes hat came with the dress. An average person would probably mistaken him for a woman.*  
  
Old Man: Aha! Another mission accomplished! I hope you're as happy as I am with the dress.  
  
Cloud: *stepped in front of the mirror* (Wow... I -do- look good in it.... Heh...) -whispers: This is truly a Kodak moment.-  
  
Old Man: -whispers: You got that right.- You like?  
  
Cloud: *nods* You couldn't have done this any better.  
*after paying for it, he leaves the shop. No sooner had he done that, a distressed woman dressed as a bee spots Cloud in his dress and runs up to him*  
  
Woman: You've gotta help! One of our ladies called in sick and we need a replacement! I don't mean to bug you, but it's only for tonight. We'll even pay you.  
  
*the woman led him by the hand and took him inside the Honeybee Inn. The woman showed him his suit that he was supposed to wear*  
  
Cloud: (I'm supposed to wear that?? Damn....)  
  
Woman: I'll be waiting outside. Just come out when you're ready. *leaves*  
  
Cloud: Oh damn... What have I gotten myself into? *slowly starts to change*  
  
*minutes later, he leaves the dressing room, wearing the bumblebee outfit*  
  
Woman: *points to the room to the left* Just go in there and the rest is up to you.  
  
*he reluctantly enters the room, where a naked old man sits on the large heart-shaped bed*  
  
Cloud: (Oooooooooooh damn................................................)  
  
  
  
  
  
*Cloud is seen, leaving the room appearing a little dissheveled from the last few hours with the old man. It turned out that the man was okay that Cloud wasn't a girl. He was even happy to see another man in there.*  
  
Cloud: (Man... that was weird but...... I liked it?) *goes to the dressing room, where the same woman he met was sitting, doing her make-up*  
  
Woman: So how did it go?  
  
Cloud: It was... interesting... That was the oddest game of unstrip poker that I've ever played...  
  
Woman: *laughs* Well, we -do- get interesting people coming and going from this place. Why don't you take a break and fix yourself up for the next customer. I promise this will be the last time. -  
whispers: I still don't know why the writers are making you do this. Won't the audience take it the wrong way?-  
  
Cloud: -whispers back: I guess, but as long as I'm getting paid, I don't really care.- Can you help me with my makeup? I'm not used to putting it on all the time.  
  
Woman: Oh, sure! *smiles* I love doing other people's makeup.  
  
*Cloud sits down in a chair while the woman goes to get her makeup. Within minutes, she was putting it on him and she also took the liberty of fixing his hair. No sooner had she finished, there was a knock on the door*  
  
Woman: Come in.  
  
*a girl no older than a teen enters the room, dressed in the same bee costume*  
  
Girl: We've got another customer. She heard of the blond that was with the old guy and she wants a challenge, so to speak.  
  
Woman: *chuckles* Well, I think she's all ready. *turns to Cloud* Ready?  
  
Cloud: *nods* I just want to get this over with 'cause I'm getting tired.  
  
Woman: *nods* -whispers: Good luck-  
  
*Cloud gets up and follows the girl out of the room.*  
  
Girl: It's the room near the entrance. *laughs and goes back into the dressing room*  
  
Cloud: (Here we go....) *slowly enters the room, but it seemed like no one was there.*  
  
A voice: Are you looking for me?  
  
*suddenly, from behind the door, Tifa appears in her usual garb*  
  
Tifa: Do I know you? You look a little familiar.  
  
Cloud: Uh, I don't think so. I'm not from Midgar.  
  
Tifa: Hmm.... Well, let's get started, shall we?  
  
Cloud: *only stood there, not knowing what to do*  
  
Tifa: *pulls him inside the room and locks the door behind her*  
  
Cloud: (Eep.)  
  
Tifa: *turns around, takes off her shirt, which exposes a large tattoo of a checker board. She then lies on the bed with her back facing up* I'm a little modest, but this is the only place where I can play a decent game of checkers with some sort of challenge. Would you mind getting the pieces out from my boots?  
  
Cloud: (Huh?) *looks to her boots, which were lying neatly beside the bed* (She's gotta be kidding...)  
  
(end)  



End file.
